"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed... Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with."

(-someone, though I know not who, said this.)

Hello (I'm waving). Nice having you here.

Bit of advice for my friends:

1. LOG IN. If you don't log in it's kinda pointless having you on my list and creating restricted posts.
2. Click on the tags. I've grouped my posts under appropriate categories if you just want a quick update (instead of having to read my nice posts about fashion haha).
3. If you don't know me yet but really want to, you could sign up for a livejournal account and add me as a friend. Who knows? I might just add you back. Alternatively you could just get my number, talk to me, laugh with me, cry with me, love with me... basically just get to know me. Because I'm THAT interesting, duh. Why else would you have ended up here?
4. If we know each other, WTF are you waiting for? Add me! We NEED to stay in touch.
5. Sometimes I lose the blogging spirit and stop for a good while... but sooner or later I always get into it again. I DO update, just that most of my rants are quite private and I can't risk having the general public peer into my precious little brain, can I? So please, if you're a friend I really do want to share these things with you-- you just have to sign up and add me. Merci beaucoup.

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."

I am back from my month long vacation in the UK with Victor.

I also have a new job with Maersk, who I'm going to be very proud working for. I start on the 1st of December. I had already signed a contract with the Italian Trade Commission when I received the job offer from Maersk, so it was a decision that stressed me out quite a bit. I made it all the same and even though the cold treatment I was returned with by Sponzilli (Trade Commissioner of the ITC) is going to be something I will struggle to forget, I am ready for my next working experience and look forward to this new chapter.

That's that for work. I am not too worried-- I just need to make sure I am disciplined (it's probably one of my more pressing personal issues) and things will be fine. I know I shouldn't have a problem with performance.

What's mostly on my mind is... surprise, surprise, the boy again. Maybe I shouldn't say "the" boy since if you read my other private posts the subject in question changes from... erm. Time to time. *innocent look*

All I really want to say is that I just don't want him to be another passing thing. I like him so much.

That's all, really.

Because I make up my mind too fast.
Because I can't wait.
Because I am aggressive, yet I am weak.
Because I feel too much... yet sometimes I feel nothing at all.
Because I love you.
Because I don't.

Because I love.
Because I hate.
Because I don't know... or maybe I do.
Because I am a sickeningly pathetic living organism digging for some semblance of value to ascribe to its existence.
Because I hurt.

Because I am evil.
Because I want to be good.
Because I might have the above two mixed up.
Because I don't want to try, but sometimes I die trying.
Because I might die trying.

Because I am human.
Because I don't love myself, as much as I try to.
Because I am fickle minded.
Because I want.

Just because.

Sono venuta qua' per....?

Non mi sento benvenuta. Mi ha appena detto qualche cosa non-simpatiche e in questo momento, al letto dove dorme affianco a me... mi sento un po' scema.

Forse sono solo difficile a sopportare... Non so. Voglio piangere, voglio lamentarsi, pero' non c'e' nessuno qua' con chi posso condividere i miei pensieri.

Non va bene per niente.

I've always viewed myself as a rather positive person-- in practically almost every situation I have an optimistic solution for/perception of it.

So it pains me to realise I (still) don't quite know what to make out of liars, and/or lying.

For sure it is an intrinsic part of human nature. None of us are perfect and oftentimes we find ourselves concealing the truth because we lack the courage to own up to certain actions we've done, or character traits we possess.

With this in mind I've always tried to overlook little white lies (like when you just know someone is telling you a lie, but with no bad intentions) that people tell me... I credit it to their weakness and let it go.

But how do I deal with it if it seems that their lying insults my intelligence/strength of character? Like if someone tells you a lie because they think you wouldn't understand or couldn't handle the truth... that is hard to accept. I mean, just tell me the bloody truth already and let ME figure myself out, for Pete's sake.

:(

Maybe I just have too much free time to worry about other people and their relation/relating to me.

What should I worry about then, if not interpersonal relationships, may I ask?

Fino al adesso non mi sono riuscita di buttare completamente il mio ex dal mente. Dopo tutta quella merda che e' successo voglio proprio sapere...PERCHE'????

Massimo mi dice che i ricordi si fanno con le emozioni. Ogni cosa che ti senti ti fa un segno nella memoria (e in questo caso una circatrice sul cuore). Anzi; piu' d'emozioni ti senti da una esperienza, piu' la ricordi.

Quanto darei per farmi scordare di questo cretino! Sono sicura di non essere piu' innamorata... allora perche' lo penso ancora?

Vabbe' chissenefrega cmq! Ormai l'ho cancellato dalla mia vita e non lo devo sopportare piu'. Questo mi deve gia' bastare...

Al momento sono a Bath, Inghilterra (dove sono i famosi Bagni Romani...? lascia stare nessuno di voi lo sa), col ragazzo di chi avevo parlato nei miei posts precedenti... Mi piace un sacco e' vero pero' ora che sto qua' non sono piu' sicura di quello che voglio. Ma non penso che fa tanta importanza... la vita e' per godere e anche per sbagliare. O no?

Solo che mi sono un po' stufata di essere ferita dalle cose del cuore...

I'm reminiscing about the solitary balut experience that I had in March and I am certainly craving some right now. I know, I am revolting. But you gotta respect my balls, man...

Thought I'd write up a wish list of food to try:
- horse steak
- bear steak
- frog sashimi
- fermented shark meat
- whale
- sealion
- BBQed puffin
- snake


Wondering if the random passerby can give me suggestions to add to this list?

Questo ragazzo mi piace al quel punto che mi sento vulnerabile. Ho cosi' paura di essere ferita che quasi quasi non c'ho coraggio di andare avanti.



Amarsi un po' e' come bere
Piu' facile e' respirare
Basta guardarsi e poi, avvicinarsi un po'
E non lasciarsi mai, impaurire no... no.

Amarsi un po', e un po' fiorire
Aiuta sai a non morire
Senza nascondersi, manifestandosi
Si puo' eludere la solitudine

Pero'- pero' volersi bene no, partecipare
E' difficile quasi come volare
Ma quanti ostacoli, e sofferenze e poi
Sconforti e lacrime, per diventare noi

Veramente noi
Uniti, indivisibili
Vicini, ma irragiungibili

-Lucio Battisti

Sai che ti fa l'amore?

Ti rende debole e ti fa diventare un cane disperato con la lingua fuori.


...


Adesso mi sento proprio un cane disperato. Non va bene :(

Gawd do I hate them.

They're good as sex objects and fun company, but like their female counterparts can HARDLY be taken seriously.

When you fancy yourself more beautiful than you are smart you will somehow or rather screw up the hearts and lives of not just others but yours.

If the value you assign yourself extends to little else beyond your looks (try to kid us, yeah, but don't kid yourself) you have to re-examine just how much you really contribute to society as a whole.

Yep, you're pretty much useless. Unneeded. Irrelevant. Unnecessary. Taking up space. Wasting precious oxygen.

To assume any one of you had a heart OR a brain would be as equally preposterous as believing that Father Christmas exists.


FUCK YOU ALL.

Well at least a good 95% of you anyway.

ps. smitten by an awesome boy.... who's NOT a model. *wide smiles all over*

Alright now I don't really know why I'm doing what anymore, but I do know that I am exaggerating. Well like I always say, making up for lost time. Maybe one day I'll find reason to stop and calm the fuck down...

By the way I'm on Twitter. Follow me!

this blasted insomnia.

Non fumo piu'. Oggi e' D-DAY. Che schifo queste sigarette non mi piacciono nemmeno. E' proprio stupido fumare solo per avere qualcosa in mano.

Vaffanculo deathsticks.

Adler's school of psychology, which he called "Individual Psychology," was based on the idea of the indivisibility of the personality. His most significant divergence from Freud's premises was his belief that it was crucial to view the human being as a whole—not as a conglomeration of mechanisms, drives or dynamic parts. And in contrast to most psychological thinking of the time, Adler believed that, fundamentally, human beings are self-determined. Central to his therapeutic approach was his belief that people always have control over their lives and make choices that shape them. "Individual Psychology breaks through the theory of determinism," he writes. "No experience is a cause of success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but we make out of them just what suits our purposes. We are self-determined by the meaning we give to our experiences." Adler's emphasis on the wholeness of the person and the fact that our values inevitably shape our experience led to his conviction that, in the end, there is only one true meaning to human life: care and love for our fellowmen. "There have always been men who understood this fact; who knew that the meaning of life is to be interested in the whole of mankind and who tried to develop social interest and love. In all religions we find this concern for the salvation of man." For Adler, it is only this meaning, this interpretation of our experience—and our conscious increasing of fellow-feeling and care for the whole of humankind—that leads to the genuine mental health and happiness of the individual.

extracted from http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/j17/wasist.asp

Read this, breathe, and it doesn't hurt anymore.

Love is not in the air today. Head full of thoughts, heart numb from alcohol consumption.